Single Mom, It's Time to Create a New Story

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I bet you’ve told your story over and over and over again, sometimes to help you process through what happened, sometimes to garner sympathy, and sometimes just to throw Homer under the bus, release some anger and make yourself feel better. Did you really feel better? I don’t know about you, but when I focus on the details of my failed marriage, I just get all fired up again … angry, frustrated and mad at myself for choosing him in the first (damn) place.

I have found instead that by focusing on the many blessings of the relationship, first and foremost my daughter, I can keep my positive mental attitude in check. Then I focus on the lessons learned and distinctions I made that empowered me to move on and create new and improved results in my life. Additionally, when I take responsibility for the fact that I chose him and began to dig deeper into the circumstances that caused me to do so, I began to experience something new, better and different. You can, too.

How to Communicate Better with Your Ex


"We divorced for a reason -- many reasons -- why must we continue to communicate?!? 

This question was posed to me by a struggling newly-divorced and single mom. 

Most likely you didn't divorce or split up without anger, frustration and continuous confrontation. Very few people, I've found, divorce on good terms. In fact, if the relationship had been great, you'd still be together, right? Maybe.

New Year, Newly Single Mama ... Now What?


I heard from, and met, many newly single moms who were rushing to get their divorce documents signed and filed by the end of the year. Which means that the beginning of the year marks their first year as newly single, single moms. I think this calls for hugs all around.

So how to manage -- maximize? -- what might be the toughest and also perhaps the best year of your life? I had a lot to say about being a single mom in here, but more years have passed and I've since met many, many (many!) single moms (and dads) and there are some things I suggest you do right now to make the most of your new situation.

First, breathe. It will be okay, I promise. The changes you've instigated, or that have occurred against your will and better judgment, are for your highest and best good. Little did I know that what felt like the end of the world held within it the seeds of my greatest happinesses (is that a word? If it isn't, it should be). So right now, take a deep, slow breath and know that all is well.

Second, feel. Don't let your anger, frustration, sadness, or any other emotion that doesn't feel good stay bottled up. Find constructive ways to release how pissed off or even homicidal you feel. Channel that energy into being a great mom, finding your purpose, and loving yourself.

Third, surround yourself. Find people who make you feel amazing and unstoppable, and hang out with them. Stalk them if you must. Get in their energy field until you literally catch their positive energy and it becomes your own. Eliminate or seriously limit contact with anyone who complains, bitches, moans, gossips, discusses or hints at anything less than positivity. You can't afford the luxury of a negative thought, and when you treat your minutes like you treat your dollars, you won't waste them on marinating in bull**** or hanging out with the "wrong" people, anymore than you'd light fifty bucks on fire to watch it burn because you needed some amusement.

Finally, when you're ready, create a vision of what you want your life to become, who you want to become. I've rarely heard anyone say they wish they'd stayed married (they usually say they wish they'd gotten divorced sooner), they just wish they'd gotten to the good part faster. Well, today sister, you are well on your way to the good part. :)

Happy New Year ... and welcome to your new life! Cheers to you!

The Successful Single Mom is the only book series for single moms written in a positive, can-do voice, from the coaching perspective, by an executive coach who was also a single mom. These books provide a road map for creating the life, career, meals, relationships, bank balance, and health you want, starting right now, today! Find out where you can buy them here.

Honorée Corder has dedicated her life to being a positive force for good. She writes personal and professional growth and development books, and The Successful Single Mom book series. As an executive coach and corporate trainer, she turns service providers into rainmakers, average producers into rock-stars, and dreams into reality. For more information on how she can specifically help you or your organization, click here.

The Successful Single Mom Has a Happy Holiday Season

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So the kids are with dad some of this holiday season? It may seem like the end of the world, but it's not! (I promise.)

I remember the first Christmas my daughter went to her father's house ... I had become "such a mom" I wasn't sure how I should or could spend the time. I had illusions of taking hot baths, having time to catch up on shows and the stack of books next to my bed. Instead, I hardly felt energized enough to do more than the basics. I honestly wasn't sure what to do with myself, because I was so used to being a mom every minute of every day, that I wasn't working, that having non-work time left me frozen.

In retrospect, that was time I should have taken those hot baths, enjoyed chocolate in multiple temperatures and headed to the bookstore to read People Magazine.

You Must End Your Affair ... and Here's How


One of my dear friends called me last week and asked for my input on a tricky situation.

Turns out she has been in a relationship, her first post-divorce, for the past year. The tricky part of the equation is that he's married. Although at one point he'd decided to end his marriage, and there were talks of them being together, introducing their kids to one another, and living happily ever after, this fairly-tale isn't quite having the happy ending she'd hoped. After a few months, he and his wife had indeed decided to call it quits. But after a short time, he decided to give his marriage another try, and after a few months, he once again announced they were getting a divorce.

But he hasn't moved out. No papers have been filed. And my gal's heart is fully vested and she's wondering how much longer she should hold on and hold out.