You are NOT at the Mercy of Your Ex

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It may feel like, as a single mom, you have to rely on your baby daddy for all kinds of support, monetary and otherwise. Recently, someone asked me how I would recommend dealing with a difficult ex. My answer: make him inconsequential.

When someone has you by the short hairs, and they know it, they can abuse their perceived power. He knows you need that child support money, so he withholds it for a few extra days or just doesn't pay you at all. He knows you need him to pick up the kids on time so you can get to work, so he shows up late on purpose. He knows you want to be the main mother figure in your kids lives, so he inserts his "girlfriend of the week" into his visitation time.

Single mom, you are NOT at the mercy of your ex. If you feel like you are and want to make the shift to feeling like you're not, keep reading.

Listen up, ladies, because I'm saying something important: your ex only has the power over you that you allow him to have. You make him important by letting him get under your skin, irritate you, and get away with behaving badly.

You can also take your power back. You can make him inconsequential in your life. You can let him be the dad he wants and shows himself to be, and not let it affect you and your relationship with your kids -- or frankly your life, at all. 

Here's how:
  • Stop relying on his money. Get yourself a copy of The Successful Single Mom Gets Rich! and make the 100% commitment to yourself to become financially independent as soon as possible. These extra dollars will give you the freedom to give anything you want to yourself and your kids, including education, experiences, vacations, extra-curricular activities, and even a fancy attorney who can handle the fight while you're enjoying your life.
  • Stop relying on his timeliness. That abundance of money you're making? It can hire you a babysitter, and eventually a nanny. You can get yourself out the door to your work -- or your hot date -- on time, every time, because you've got back-up. Then it won't matter when he can bother himself to show up.
  • Stop listening about what he's saying. Unless he's saying really awesome things to you, encouraging you, and being amazing {and if he was, you'd still be with him, right?}, he's lost his ability to share what he thinks with you about anything. If you want his opinion, you can give it to him. If not, nod, smile, and get on with your day.
  • Stop wondering what's he's doing. Wait a minute, you're still connected to him on Facebook and he knows it? Of course he's going to post photos of his trip to Cabo with Cindi-with-an-i, the new hot ride he bought, and all of the fun he's having. You don't have time to look at it, see it, or get pissed off about it. You've got better things to do, so do them. Go ahead and disconnect with him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and anywhere else you might happen to see what he's up to. Go ahead, I'll wait.
I'll say it one more time: you're not at the mercy of your ex, his whims, selfish behaviors, and ridiculousness. You may have some work to do to put yourself in a position where what he's doing or not doing doesn't matter, but that's okay. If you start today, you're one day closer. Say yes to yourself, no to him. Got it? Good. *Smile.*

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What Prevents a Single Mom from Being Successful?

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{Via}
I've been getting emails lately asking for help from single moms who are up against seemingly insurmountable challenges, asking me to help them get their lives, money, work, physical, co-parenting and parenting situations in line.
Designing a life you love can seem like an insurmountable task (project??!!) as a single mom. But take it from someone who's done it: it is possible!
Regardless of how long you've been a single mom, and notwithstanding how you became a single mom, you most likely are dealing with challenges that are standing in the way of you becoming as successful, wealthy, fit, and loved as you'd like to be ... and one by one, inch by inch, day by day, you can alter, remove or change those challenges entirely, turn them around, and get everything you want. 
Single mom, you CAN create a life that is successful, as success is defined by you, in every area.
First, let's put being a single mom into perspective: 
  • Unless you're independently wealthy, earning, saving, and investing enough money for today, and your and your kids futures, is of paramount concern. You might wake up and go to sleep worrying about money every day. That can change for the better!
  • You want to engage in work that you love, that makes the world a better place. You might hate what you do for a living. Trust me, you've got choices.
  • You want, if not today perhaps someday, a toe-curling, happy love. There are GREAT guys out there, and there's one who is looking for you right now.
  • You want a positive co-parenting relationship that is awesome for you and your kids. You can manage or even create a co-parenting relationship that runs the gamut from palatable to positively amazing. It starts with you.
  • You want to look and feel dang hot while all of the above is happening. You can put yourself at the top of your list, and literally shape and reshape your shape so you feel amazing every day.

So, what prevents a you, as a single mom from being successful? Several things:
  • Hanging on to your story, telling and re-telling your story to anyone who will listen. What to do? STOP talking about your past and start talking about your future! You need a new story, a new vision, and you need to focus solely on it. You can design one you love. I wrote all about it in here.
  • Not being educated about money. I know it can be overwhelming, but if you can get the basics down, you can, over time, become educated about everything money. I break it down for you in here. Becoming financial stable is simple (not necessarily easy but you can do it!), and soon you can be on your way to having more than you need.
  • Staying pissed off, angry, and vengeful toward your ex. He's a jackhole ... I totally get it. But staying mad makes you unattractive to the most important person in this equation: you. I want you to heal your wounds and truly be happy, and then it would be awesome {wouldn't it?} if you found someone new to love who loves you right back? Also covered in here and here.
  • Not resting, recharging and rejuvenating. No-one can go full-throttle all the time and be a happy camper. Eventually you need gas and an oil change for your car, right? Well, you're much more important than your car -- you need not even a lot of time to make your mind, body and spirit fun to live in. Yup, I covered it all in here.
So, what I'm saying is, if you've written to me, I've written you right back with my suggestions for your particular situation. But I've also created a reference library that pretty much covers every problem, challenge and frustration I encountered as a single mom ... and every single one of them I managed to figure out how to conquer!
So can you. And you can, indeed, start right now. (Smile.)

You Still Get to Have Sex After Divorce

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I broke down in tears within two weeks of my split, but not because I was getting divorced. No, it was sex ... or more specifically the prospect of having sex -- with a new person {people!} that sent me over the edge. I was having drinks with two friends, both of whom had been divorced for several years, and we stumbled upon the subject of dating.  I remember my friend saying, "Don't worry, you'll even start having sex again before you know it."

Right there, in the middle of happy hour, I lost it. Seriously, I was completely in my shit. I was a mom. A former breast-feeder ... and those breasts were in a race for my knees. I had stretch marks, for God's sake, and there was no way I was going to allow anyone to see all of that. On top of it, I was over 30 and we all know that once you're over 30, that's it.

Well, no, that wasn't it. While my physical body was no longer in a unmarred, pre-baby state, I still looked pretty good. I just had all of those disempowering thoughts running around in my head, and it was up to me to change them. I had to get clear that isn't just a physical body that a man is attracted to; I had other qualities that would be interesting to men.

SERIES: Single Mom Blogger You Should Know: Pam Grout, author of "E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality"

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UPDATE:

So excited to share with you that Pam's new book, E-Cubed: Nine More Energy Experiments that Prove Manifesting Magic and Miracles is Your Full-Time Gigis now available and is already in its Second Printing. Another NY Times Bestseller in the works! Congrats, Pam!

*****

The Single Mom Bloggers and Authors You Should Know

In this multi-part series, I'm introducing you to other single mom bloggers and authors you need to be reading. You can find links to every lady in the series below ... 

I'm so excited to introduce you to single mom Pam Grout, 16-time author and travel blogger. She wrote one of my new favorite books: E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality.


Blogger & Author Pam Grout 

What I Like About Her and E-SquaredAnyone who has read The Successful Single Mom book knows I'm a huge fan of books by Catherine Ponder and Florence Scovel Shinn, the Law of Attraction, and all things spiritual. I've been a manifesting super freak for over 20 years, and have included prosperity work in my books and classes because quite honestly I love it when things just show up and I don't have to work so hard for them. Lazy? Genius? You decide. In any event, I've not quite been able to "manifest on demand every single time" so when I discovered Pam's book, E-Squared I couldn't wait to read it and try out the energy experiments, especially after reading all of the amazing reviews. So I read it, all the way through, in less than two days. I love it because it lives up to it's promise: proof beyond all doubt back up by scientific evidence that we all create our realities, and anything we want to have in our lives, including shiny objects and oodles of cash, we can have. Don't believe me? Try it yourself. It will be the best $1.99 or $10.98 you. have. ever. spent. Buy it. Read it. You're welcome!

Happy Birthday!

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It's my birthday! I'm a huge birthday person ... in fact, for the last {a-hem} several years, I've sent out a notice on the first of September to my friends and family ... "You've got 22 shopping days!" This year I posted on Facebook that I wanted this in large quantities and pretty much nothing else. Raise your hand if you agree! {I had some, it's a-maz-ing...}

Since I don't know when your birthday is, I'm going to have to give you a gift for my birthday. Fair enough? I thought you'd like that ... you see, I'm not just excited about my birthday. I'm always equally excited to celebrate someone else's birthday. Right now I'm beyond excited to have all of the books in The Successful Single Mom book series in production to become audio books. In fact, the first two are already for sale, and if you go here you can get one of them for free*! 

I love audiobooks because I can listen while I'm doing other fun activities, like laundry, grocery shopping, hanging out during Lexi's karate sessions, and driving. Yes, you might be sensing some sarcasm. Seriously, I don't have as much time as I'd like to curl up with a great book, but I do have a fair amount of time I spend cleaning and doing tasks that don't require my mental focus. I always make sure I'm using that time to feed my mind with something positive.

The side benefit of listening to something positive is I'm taking advantage of GIGO: good stuff in, good stuff out. I stay focused on my goals and outcomes, and am able to maintain my positive attitude more easily. I highly suggest you add this habit to your arsenal because listening to something amazing while you cross mundane tasks off your list is inexpensive, painless and incredibly effective.

But wait, there's more! Next book in production is Now available: The Successful Single Mom Finds LoveI have just a few codes for the audiobook, so if you leave a message in the comment section of this blog about why you're ready to bring new love into your life, I'll choose 5 at random the end of the month. One more possible gift for you! 

Have a great week and Happy Birthday!

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