It can be a tricky thing to identify when the one you're with is The One. One of my single mom gal pals confided in me she's in a relationship with someone she's "pretty sure" is the one, but there are some red flags.
I personally believe two things, and sometimes they contradict one another ... the first being, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, the second: the past doesn't equal the future.
So, which one do we use when we are deciding whether our potential future mate candidate is truly the one? What do you think?
4 comments:
"the first being, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, the second: the past doesn't equal the future."
For me, the difference lies in the individuals intentions and awareness.
If one is content doing what they are doing, and getting what they are getting, then I subscribe to your former statement.
In cases where people have "hit a bottom" and become aware of things that require observation, circumspection and change then by all means allow them to create a new past by which to judge.
Red flags are not to be ignored. But keep in mind, often those flags are pointing into ourselves...
I don't think any of us "listen" to our gut feelings. Sometimes because we want things to be a certain way we are willing to overlook those flags. So for me, I'd say look at past behavior and then ask yourself, what would you say to a friend in your situation? And, what does your gut really tell you?
I think the first is most "correct" but I think that a new/recent past can be a predictor. I married someone in that transition period - he had good intentions I believe, but he never followed through on what he "said" he wanted to be. I saw red flags but ignored them because he WANTED to be different. I think he needed to ACTUALLY BE different for a while first.
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