The Worst Day to Feel Crappy

My daughter has been complaining about an upset tummy for the last two days or so. Not only is it Halloween, when tummy aches are traditionally brought on by too much candy consumption, I had a very important meeting this morning.

So I'm getting ready this morning, with my daughter in my bed watching TV and moaning about her tummy ache, wondering the following: is almost 9 old enough to be left home alone for an hour and a half? Do I cancel my meeting at almost the very last minute and risk the opportunity? Do I drag her along, with the chance she might throw up in the lobby? or the car? or all over me?

Everything ended up working out great for me, but I'm curious - what's a single mom to do in this type of situation? What's the right thing? What are some creative alternatives? What have you done to balance it all as a mom. Reach out with your suggestions - we're all waiting!

(Looks like I'll have to be Sarah Palin next Halloween ... oh sure, you betcha!)

Manners Make a Mom Proud (and Successful)

"Its nice to meet you. My name is Lexi."

That's the way my daughter greeted two ladies I was meeting with in the past two days. Both were impressed with her manners, and commended me on my mommy-ness. I'm going to bet they also gave me credibility points, and those meetings will eventually lead to new business. I had to take her with me to both meetings because she's out of school on "track break" (its a year-round school thing) and just leaving her in the car with the windows cracked open wasn't the best idea. I'm also jazzed to model successful grown up woman and mom for her!

I started working with Lexi on her manners almost from her first moments. Please. Thank you. You're welcome. May I please ... Could you please ... etc. Repetition really is the mother of skill - pun intended!

My purpose for teaching her great manners was multi-faceted ... pre-child I had a couple of girlfriends I stopped inviting over because their children took delight in destroying my bookshelves, decor, and terrorizing my cats. I never wanted someone to say, "Boy do I like that Honoree, but her child is a monster!" and then stop hanging out with me. I also wanted a child that was a delight to be around. Finally, I think a well-mannered person (child or adult) has an easier time in life because manners open doors and grease wheels. I also think good manners are an integral part of a positive attitude. While she isn't perfect - and who is? - she's a joy to do things for because she sure does know how to show appreciation.

This is encouraging for me, because I know if I suggest it often enough, pretty soon the napkin will automatically go into the lap ...

Besides really great manners, what do you think are important things for us to teach our children? How do we teach these things effectively, when as single moms there's so many things to do? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Happy mommy-ing!

What's Your Big Dream ... and the Corresponding Story?

What's your big dream? What have you been telling yourself you want to do for the longest time, but it just hasn't happened? Start a business? Lose weight? Find Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now)? Go back to school? Take karate?

I made the shift from "why I can't" to "why I can" on a few of my biggies ... because I frankly got tired of waiting "until" ... "until" I get remarried (and have an extra set of hands), until my daughter is old enough to be home by herself, until I have enough cashola, time, support ... and just finally made a plan and took Step #1.

My daughter watches me take myself on, continue to grow, and go for it - it being everything I want - really just squeezing the juice out of life. I think she put less limits on herself because I am an example in action of what's possible.

I know its hard to be managing your own household, with little or no support (financial or otherwise). Its easy to let time pass without putting a stake in the ground and just deciding that no matter what you're going to go after your "it."

I want you to dust off your big dream(s), create a plan, assemble support and take the first step. Need help? Reach out to me - I can help you. Reach out to your friends, family, acquaintances, fellow single moms - we're all here for you.

What's your big dream? What do you need to make it happen? Tell us all why its now in the works, what we can do for you, and when you'll be celebrating so we can bring the champagne!

Throwing Up Must Happen at Midnight

Last evening Lexi and I attended her school's annual fall festival. The most nutritious item available for consumption was the pizza they fed to the volunteers. I had a blast selling tickets for the rest of the "menu": cotton candy, popcorn, sodas, caramel apples, etc. After we got home, Lexi had some mac 'n cheese and then went to bed around 9 p.m.

Ahhhhh. Friday night. No alarm tomorrow. Time to get some rest. Not so fast!

At about 12:30 a.m., I hear Lexi calling out to me. Further investigation revealed a classic tummy ache, followed by some classic wretching. Bless her heart, she just didn't agree with all of the goodies she ate. We were up like two girls having a sleep-over until she finally fell asleep at 3 a.m. Not the night of deep sleep I had envisioned!

It reminded me of the time she threw up all over my white linens after eating lasagna, brownies and pink lemonade. As single moms, we often deal with things that require another set of hands, and yet they simply aren't there.

I have found that laughing at the situation during the situation worked better than feeling bummed and overwhelmed - which is what I did earlier on in my single mom expedition.

What do you do to cope with your single mom challenges?

Happy Monday!

I'm still basking in the glow of a fantastic "mom" weekend. Saturday we went Halloween costume shopping - my daughter will be Hannah Montana for the 2nd year in a row. After a few hours at the park at Town Square, we went to one of our favorite haunts (no pun intended): the bookstore. A little slice of Heaven on Earth for me is a place with books, snacks and a beverage. When I was a newly-single mom, I remember sharing a drink with my daughter ... just couldn't afford two drinks really. Although my economic situation has changed for the better, this simple "cheap-to-free" activity is still one of my favorites. As our children age, and they do so very quickly, its the magic moments we have spent together that we remember the most.

We've spent many days at the park, going to free movie night or hanging out painting our toenails.

What are the favorite cheap-to-free activities you do with your kids? Help me compile a list!

Creating a Great Support Team

Your Support Team consists of the people you can count on – really count on – no matter how low you get or how high you fly. They are your cheerleaders – they champion your causes, encouraging, pushing, hugging and tugging you to a better place and eventually your definition of success. To make it through Single Mom Land, they're a necessity!

It's important to have this team in place, and the sooner the better. I am also positive you need to be a strong member of your own support team. You will be alone sometimes and it will be easy in those moments to say things to yourself that are simply not helpful. You can rely on others a lot, and you must also rely on yourself.

There are probably many people in your life that want to help yet are not quite sure what to do. Perhaps you want two hours to take a nap, or you simply need to do a bit more work to make ends meet. By all means reach out to your children’s friend’s moms and offer to trade play dates. I did exactly that when I moved to Nevada from Hawaii five years ago. I didn’t have a team of babysitters or know where to find any, and my closest family members were two thousand miles away. If you have family members or close friends that live nearby, ask them to help. Chances are your children are on their best behavior for other people (isn't that always the way?).

Here’s some great news: people want to help you! You may find that some will offer to help, others won’t. I know from personal experience that there are a number of people just waiting to feel useful, helpful and like they are making a difference. Now is your opportunity to allow them to give you that gift – a gift which you can pay forward a little later on.

Who is on your support team and how do they help you? What tips do you have to share in terms of keeping your sanity and getting the help you need? Leave your comments and I'll share them in an upcoming post.

The Most Important Thing

Emily, a single mom from Knoxville, sent me this question: "What's the most important thing I need to do as a single mom?"

Thanks for the question, Emily. I think there are several most important things, and among them these three come immediately to mind: (1) practice self-care, (2) manage your attitude and (3) spend quality time with your children.

As single moms, it is easy to skip the steps of taking care of ourselves. Every time we fly, we're reminded to "put the mask on yourself before putting the mask on anyone else." The same is true as moms, especially single moms. My top 5 self-care actions are these:

• Quality time with my girlfriends
• A hot bath and a good book
• Weekly massage
• Enough sleep
• A few hours each week that require nothing of me

Having a can-do attitude is so crucial to not just surviving, but thriving! Lori, a participant in the Successful Single Mom Transformation Program, has the best attitude of just about anyone I've ever seen! While her outward conditions aren't the greatest (yet), she exclaims this is the very happiest she's ever been in her life. It is because, and only because, she chooses - daily - to be happy. So can you!

Finally, its important to spend as much quality time with our kids as possible. They are most likely having a tough time, too, and the more you read to them, play with them, and cuddle with them, the more secure and loved they will feel. I know from personal experience that when my daughter acts up, all she really wants is to feel more connected to me. Its a lesson I've "learned" more than once.

What do you think is the most important thing you need to do as a single mom? Do you do it?