I'm a single mom of two young children, and while their dad is active and around, he also has a drinking problem. He drinks every single day and I know for sure he's either drunk or has been drinking every time the kids get into his car. I'm terrified he's going to get arrested when he has the kids ... or something horrible is going to happen. I don't have the money to take him to court, and I know his involvement with them is critical. I just don't know what to do. What should I do?
-Terrified Single Mom
Dear Mom,
Breathe, that's my first suggestion. Have you had a conversation with him and shared how you feel? Depending upon how open the lines of communication are, I would suggest being honest. Another thought is that you could provide the transportation for your kids. Rather than having him pick them up, offer to drop them off. One mom I know suggested you alert the authorities when you know he's drinking and driving. Those with substance abuse issues rarely get help until they are ready, and sometimes the threat of jail is enough to start that process. Begin to document, if you're not already, what is happening and do your best to seek legal assistance and even therapy for yourself and your kids.
I wish you the best, The Successful Single Mom
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2 comments:
We have this issue. My son's father is an alcoholic and that was a strong point of contention when negotiating visitation. Although it's not convenient for me, I drive my son to his visits (in case his dad is hung over from the night before). It is written into our agreement that he is not to drink for a period of time before and through his visit. It's a start. I hope that helps in some way.
You are their mother and sounds like their primary care giver, therefore you have defacto custody of them. Not only is it your moral duty as a mother to protect them from any obvious situation that might endanger them, but the law wether in court or not gives you that right. So don't be afraid to put your foot down, don't let your kids go with him if he is under the influence.
If you suspect he is under the influence or was the night before, don't let.the kids go and explain why, he gives you problems call the police have him removed, the police can't force you to let them go because YOU have defacto custody. This goes on record, ask the police for the report number, they HAVE to make one and you have every right to get the number. Keep this all recorded for yourself and for future proof in court.
You can represent yourself in court and even if you do there in a consult provided in each court room that you have the right to ask for advice. Also the state or province can provide you a lawyer.
If for any reason one day you are wrong about him being under.the influence, so be it, better safe than sorry but don't endanger your kids, and always protect your behind both physically and in law for future purposes.
I have many more suggestions to help you in this. Feel free to connect through.Google+ or twitter.
God Bless you, stay strong! God and an army of men and women have your.back on this, and trust me YOU've got this!
Stay safe.
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